yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize