Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
