So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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