It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
