Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
