Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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