areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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