Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
