I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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