You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
