it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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