I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
