i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I want a musical about memes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
