just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
