just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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