I bet he comes in French.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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