i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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