Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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