oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
