that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
