if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
barbara walters just said penis...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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