do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
