What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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