he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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