I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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