Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize