they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
