sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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