Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
