i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
