She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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