I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
