I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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