Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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