just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it because I queefed?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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