hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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