cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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