i think my tv is drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
