I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
