i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
