the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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