If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
