So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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