ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
