8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
