So drunk its hurt
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dear god my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
