I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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