Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
