I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
