yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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