apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
