I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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