I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
