my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
