But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
