So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
