my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize