so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
