her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
