If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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