do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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