If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
