So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i have two assholes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
