I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
