Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
