i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
