Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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