she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize